On Thursday, I sent an email to my bosses that said I am no longer in a place to expend the energy that I have been at the job I am working at and that I was open to a meeting to discuss my continued employment where I am planning to ask to get paid more, work less, and train my replacement.
I was not on anti-depressants before starting this job. Since beginning, I have gained upwards of 20lbs, got on medication, went through two therapists, and racked up thousands of dollars in debt. They aren't paying me enough to live in the city that I am trying to survive in. They aren't paying me enough to be able to afford the medicine I HAVE to take to continue to work here.
This was all brought on because I had to wait for my next payday to fill my prescription. I was off my meds for three days before finding myself crying on the newly tiled office bathroom floor ready to walk out the door and never come back.
Up until recently, I thought it was a reflection of myself and how I could not succeed and make my life happen. I am so hard on myself and so afraid of failing that I have killed myself trying to make this work. Through therapy, I have learned that it isn't me that's flawed. It's not me who can't make it work. It's the entire system. It is a cheap ass multi-million dollar company with bad management that has no problem taking advantage me, and I am through letting them.
I am a single woman living alone in Los Angeles in 2025. It's hard out here. I wan to follow my dreams and figure myself out, but I am so burnt out trying to find stability that I don't even have the time, money, or energy to go out or see a show EVEN THOUGH I live less than a mile from the Pantages, Dolby, and Hollywood Bowl.
I am doing my best to try and keep the dream alive. I have started to pour more into myself and the more I do, the clearer things are becoming. I am finally ready to stop being afraid. I am ready for a big change, and I am putting in the work to make it happen. I am grateful for the gifts that I will be receiving, and I am ready to share my light with the world.
