Imposter syndrome isn't cute. Get it together.

I think I might be returning the desktop sooner than I thought. I looked at my bank account and it is not looking pretty. It did make me want to lean into doing an acting workshop. I got stuck on the flyer making stage. 

I have a bachelors in performing arts and have been doing theatre for...omg...25 years?? That is crazy. It's crazy that I think I am unqualified to lead one. Like, girl. Imposter syndrome isn't cute. Get it together. 

I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew and ambition my way to burnout. I just really hope at least a couple people are interested. I might do a bring a friend discount. I was also thinking a barter-type payment system, because I know when I used to live here with no job, I didn't have any money to participate with. Just bring me a pack of water or a rack of chicken or something, cat litter, a joint!

WILL COACH FOR DRUGS

I am going to focus on the details tomorrow. It is already too late for me to be conscious. I have two weeks to comfortably become a 6am girly. Maybe I just need to pull an all-nighter and flip the schedge. How 19-year-old of me. 

My capstone project was a 4-6 session workshop where participants wrote and performed their own monologues as a form of self-expression and catharsis. I want a chance to whip that out once I see there is interest. I think that would be SO FUN. 

I am seeing promo social media videos of me being charismatic and quirky. HOW CUTE. It will also give me an incentive to finish unpacking and cleaning. Weee! 

It's all a part of the 30 year plan

I haven't actually been excited about my new job yet. I had my onboarding today. It went rather quickly. I have to decide if I want to pay a lot for insurance or a lot more for insurance. There’s also a Mexico option, but I don’t go there. Would be a good excuse to go get tacos though -- medical antidepressants + Mexican antidepressants. 

Everyone has been really excited for me about moving and getting this new job that is totally in my wheelhouse. I basically manifested it, but there is just something keeping me from feeling squealy joy about it. Maybe it’s because the last time I felt excitement about a new job, it ended up crushing my soul for three years and fought to not pay unemployment even though they denied an option to work from home because "remoting in is tricky" and then immediately downloaded the remote software on my computer so one of the outsourced agents could fill in for me. Real fucking nice. Like what fucking pieces of shit. You couldn't wait a week? Get fucked. WHATEVER.

Anyway, I think I am afraid I am going to hate it. I also just don't want a traditional job. Trading my time for money is no longer something I want to take part in. Although I do think, at the end of the day, it is going to be a really fulfilling position and it's one of the steps on one of my 30-year plans, but it wasn't supposed to happen for another 3 and a half years, so I am WAY ahead of schedule.

 SUCK ON THAT, OTHER VERSIONS OF ME. 

Today, instead of finishing my website (or working on any writing), I spent many hours creating this Canva graphic for my best friend's 75 Hard challenge. It's 75 Spooky! She has been in fall mode for 2 months as is the usual this time of the year. 

Mocha is currently demanding playtime, and I have a few other trainings to finish before my onboarding tomorrow afternoon. I need to open a local bank account. clean out my car. and take my dad back his shop vac. After my onboarding I am also planning on having dinner with Amanda. It should prove to be quite pleasant. 

As I was changing a few more things on the graphic (again) before posting, I thought about my rules if I wanted to do a 75 Spooky. I think mine would be more content focused. Maybe I will make a weekly goal list or something. I have a hard time with long term consistency. Hell, any length consistency, lesbihonest.

This Week:
        7 Chaos Drawings
        7 Blog Posts
        2 Reels
        1 YouTube video

I also need to work on a cover image for my website. Might be doing another photoshoot. That would be cute, fun, and so Leo Season. 

Remember that even though you are a supporting character to my main, there are no small parts, just small actors. You probably matter and deserve to be happy.

If I can make time tangible, it's over for you bitches

Last time on Andreya Says...I was ready for a big change. Since then, I have quit my job, uprooted my cats’ lives, and moved back home. We have been here for a few weeks now and I'm still trying to find my footing. There are boxes that need to be unpacked, laundry to be washed, and shui to be fenged, but I can breathe. The air is hot af, but it is breathable.

I can hear you already, "Um, WHAT? Where are those posts? I want that content!" I was wanting to hit the ground running with content and art once I got here, but Cancer season had other plans for me. I am Earthier than Madame Mae Kitt so it’s really like someone threw a big ass rock into the ocean. I sank. I sank and sat and wanted to roll myself out of it, but I couldn't.   

 

 
It feels like I have been chomping at the bit for so long. Just fucking let me at it! I know the gold is there, but APPARENTLY, I'm not ready for it. Maybe the world isn’t ready for it. Either way it's TOO DAMN BAD, we are doin' it – despite Mercury retrograde and Saturn retrograde...and Neptune and Pluto. Either way! Planets are gonna planet and Andreya is going to Say...something inappropriate and hilarious.  

I impulse bought a PC from Walmart today in an effort to jumpstart my content creation. I have 30 days to return it and I think I might. The mouse has glitched a few times since unboxing it 2 hours ago and it doesn't move fast enough for my brain, but it is serving the purpose I intended, and it will continue to do so OR ELSE.  

It's Leo Season, baby! It's almost August. What a trip. This is my golden year. I foretold it in Q1. There is a half-finished Canva mood board sitting there waiting to be right.  

WAIT. I just had the best idea. Must act on it within 5 seconds or Sarina said someone else will take it!! (I am also doing chaos drawings for Leo Season so maybe I'll share those, too.)