Hocus Focus

I need to focus in. I have been so scattered for so long. I have been catching my mind wandering. I do it all the time. 

I just did it right now! I set a timer to write this blog and I wasted 10 of my 30 min!!

Do you know how hard it is to fight against your instincts?  I like to put out good content, but if I try and keep up with my brain's timeline, I might make something I'm not happy with. Then take the time I need. Yes, but I have a tendency to put things off until forever for fear of it not being good. But everything I produce is good. Or at least has been in the past. I do good work. 

All this thought into this one aspect of why I shouldn't do the thing I want and have already started doing. Why do I need to worry about that? I could have already had a reel edited or another video recorded. 

It's probably secretly masking the anxiety of my job cutting into my time to make the content, and my fear of not being ready to keep up with another work schedule or being too exhausted to. 

Money on top of that. My Macbook needs to be cleaned and updated and until that happens, I can't edit videos on it. That is the whole reason I impulse bought a desktop. I don't know how much it is going to cost, but I also have to buy groceries, work clothes, gas, and toiletries. I am almost out of body wash and conditioner, and I am pretty sure that I won't get my first check until September because we are paid MONTHLY. So I am going to have to take my computer back to the store so I can get a few hundred back but that means a halt on content production unless I can fix my macbook myself before then. Not to mention finishing unpacking (which is my least done goal this week), fixing my sleep, doing laundry, and cleaning my space, meal prepping, spending time with my cats, and surviving in 118-degree weather that is about to get humid!

SO. Maybe all of that is justified. Maybe that is a lot to deal with. Maybe that's just being an adult in 2025, but either way, I am trying not to feel all the stress about how little time I have left to enjoy job limbo. I wish I had more momentum gained in the content game so that I could use that money to catch myself and live. I said my corporate job was the last time I was going to work for someone else. 

This is part of the plan though. I just need to remember that. I need to tap into the part of me that says that I will be taken care of and even though I have a lot on my plate right now. I asked for it. I have handled a million other things, some harder, mostly harder and came out the other side some kind of winner. Time to suck it up and get the job done...again! 

I am not doing anything right now that I haven't envisioned myself doing. The only problem is I envision myself doing a lot of things, so trying to make them all happen is posing to be difficult and stressful which is causing my mind to drift inward to avoid thinking about the outward world. But it does need to be thought about. It needs to be focused on. An action plan needs to get made. 

Virgo Season is going to pop off!! But for now, I just need to focus on finishing out Leo season strong.